Retrospect
by XxLadyStrengthxX
Summary: It's not every day you recall specific memories...and unfortunately, one of my deepest cuts has officially come back to haunt me. - Ezria, told in Ezra's POV!
1. Retrospect

**A/N: Another Creative Writing piece(: I know this storyline is used quite often, but it met the criteria for the contest rules in which I'm sending the story!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars Retrospect.**

* * *

><p>"<em>When I first looked upon your face<br>It seemed to me it was not new;  
>It seemed from some far distant place<br>I but remembered you:  
>For some sweet subtle feeling told<br>That we two once had loved of old."_

_-Retrospect, John G. Neihardt_

* * *

><p>It's not every day you recall specific memories; those of the past which were unimportant at the time, so they have no reason of being important now. Such as the exact date you purchased a new pair of socks, or visited the grocery store for the hundredth time in your life. The significant remembrance of a childhood friend, holidays, school events, and so on are the variety of reminiscences floating throughout the mind constantly – the kind you hold close to your heart. However, the type of reconciliations in which there is no possible way of erasing them from your intellect are those that have affected you severely. And unfortunately, one of my deepest cuts has officially come back to haunt me.<p>

I'm sitting at the familiar table of my day-to-day coffee house stop while writing, as usual. There's no surprise, especially for the reason that it's been my routine of four years. Which I've yet to break, I might proudly add. Every morning I situate myself in the cozy corner of the brew house to read or write, and enjoy my black coffee and sometimes a pastry. The smell of the assorted treats and different blends of drinks overwhelm my senses and give me peace. With the weather becoming more icy each day, the owners of the self-established store rotate the dial of the heater multiple times, letting the warmth creep its way into the room.

My morning is heading in a positive direction, so it seems. I'm ahead on all my work assignments, and my free-time novel is up to date on chapter statuses. This grants me access to extra relaxation time I haven't received in well over two months. I sip my coffee and take a look at my surroundings: a middle age woman I see often ordering her usual beverage, an older gentleman reading the newspaper headlines, and a teenage girl clicking furiously at her cell phone's keypad as she waits for her coffee. The door chime then averts my attention toward the entrance in order to view the newest customer, who is incredibly short and bundled up in layers of clothing and overcoats.

She brushes a light snow off her body, loosens her scarf, and lazily pulls her hat off her head. As she runs her fingers through her hair in attempt to tame the hat's results, I find myself gasping in mere shock.

I know her; there's not one ounce of doubt in my mind. If the quirky fashion sense of dark clothes and bold jewelry didn't give her identity away, then her eyes are most definitely the key.

Those hazel pupils are the ones that would produce her painful tears, but yet brighten with such light when I complimented her. I use to stare so lovingly into those eyes…

But alas, this young woman is the reason I left my home town and travelled nearly eight hundred miles to follow her wishes. After nearly three years of being in a committed relationship, she randomly decided that our lifestyle together wasn't what she was looking for. Friendship wasn't exactly an option either, as she didn't attempt keeping in touch after tearing me apart. We shared glances every once in a while when passing at Hollis, and she often asked questions about assignments when confused.

Other than that, no contact crossed between us whatsoever. When her silence and the tiny town we were trapped in were added together, my life was all too much to handle. I soon put in my two weeks to the Hollis College Board and packed up my apartment in the spur of the moment. Next thing I knew, I was driving a _U-Haul_ truck in a western direction and somehow ended up in Chicago, Illinois. My days now consist of leasing a new apartment, teaching English at the local high school, and writing a little on the side.

I nonchalantly spy on her as she orders at the counter I stood at just minutes ago, and I can't help but soak in the fact that she seems different – whether it's her appearance or something in her demeanor. Her hair is still long, dark, and wavy, but yet lacks the usual shine and bounce; her shoulders sag slightly from what seems like sleep depravity.

My ex-love interest takes the paper coffee cup from the cashier's grasp before spinning on her heel toward the glass doors once again. Suddenly, I stand to my feet and glide over to block her path, which I don't even realize until I see her mouth form a perfectly shaped 'O' in alarm.

"Aria," I greet quietly, taking in the actuality of her presence.

Her intake of breath is abrupt. "Ezra, h-how are you?"

I stuff my free hands into my pockets since my belongings are sitting idly on the table across the way. "Pretty content, and yourself?"

Aria fidgets nervously with the chunky ring on her middle finger. "Fine, just fine, thank you."

"I-I don't mean to pry, but uh, what are you doing here? In Chicago, I mean…" I ask innocently while pressing weight onto my toes.

She giggles quietly and bites her lip, answering, "My job relocated me."

I widen my eyes in amusement. "Really? If you don't mind me asking–"

"Editor in Chief for a poetry magazine," Aria responds excitedly as she adjusts her bag onto her shoulder. "The company is expanding and choosing Chicago as another base location. The boss man picked me personally to run this branch!"

"That's great!" I exclaim, but suddenly grow quite grim. "Rosewood not satisfying anymore?"

Her body becomes stiff with tension at my words, and she averts her gaze away from mine. "I guess you could say that; growing up and living in the same town gets boring. You see the same people every day, and run by the same routine on a daily basis to the point that it all just becomes a blur. I took the job offer immediately in order to experience something new."

I nod in agreement, though I only lived in the small town for a few years. The capacity was miniscule, but rumors spread like wildfire and it was often overwhelming. "How've you been…socially…since moving, Aria?"

Aria stifles a laugh at my failed attempt at pleasant conversation. "Meeting people was easy, actually; having the 'woman in charge' position really gains you respect in the office…but if you're talking about relationship wise…" she trails off to take a sip of the steaming liquid in her cup.

I catch on in a split second and reply with, "Yeah, me neither."

Her head shoots up like a rocket, and our eyes lock – blue on hazel as they mingle intimately without words. After breaking eye contact, Aria smiles and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear in an act of shyness. I chuckle at the fetish she continues to keep up with even through all these years, causing her to blush an extreme shade of crimson. "Listen, Ezra, about what happened before you left–"

I interrupt by raising a hand to end her sentence. "Don't explain; don't apologize…at least not here. Maybe some time over dinner, and when you're not rushing out the door." I gesture my hand behind my back to the exit.

Aria rolls her eyes playfully and settles with a tender smile across her features. "I'd like to catch up. I'll call you?"

"I-I changed my number after I moved…" I say hesitantly, hoping not to dim the uplifting mood we've set.

She responds with a momentary gentle hand to my forearm. "I'll give you my number," Aria responds as she digs through her tote bag. She soon pulls out a square business card and holds it out for me to take.

I grin while placing the card in my back pocket. "Be expecting my call."

"I will," Aria whispers. "Goodbye, Ezra."

I watch her leave the quiet coffee house in a daze; with the surprise of her acceptance to my offer. Though we didn't resolve any issues, maybe I'll start to see the characteristics of Aria that I fell in love with many years ago. She completed me in the time we shared our lives together. We have never been normal individuals – Aria and me – and putting our personalities together created a completely unique paring.

This reconciliation that occurred today is the key to rekindling our feelings for one another, and shows that the love she and I once shared will never cease to completely disappear into thin air.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I think I'm going to continue this, but only if the reviewers want me to(: There's a lot of unanswered questions, such as why she broke up with him and what not. Let me know what y'all wanna see!**

**The names I changed Aria and Ezra to for the contest were Adalae and Samuel... but yeah!**

**Please review!**

**Thanks!**

**XxLadyStrengthxX **

**P.S. WHO WANTS A ROADTRIP SPOILER? :D**


	2. Unity

**A/N: Thanks for all the positive response to the first chapter! :) I'm going to take this in a different direction; hope y'all don't hate me for it...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pretty Little Liars or 'Same Old Lang Syne.'**

* * *

><p><em>Met my old lover in the grocery store<br>The snow was falling Christmas Eve  
>I stole behind her in the frozen foods<br>And I touched her on the sleeve_

_She didn't recognize the face at first_  
><em>But then her eyes flew open wide<em>  
><em>She went to hug me and she spilled her purse<em>  
><em>And we laughed until we cried.<em>

_~Same Old Lang Syne, Dan Fogelburg_

* * *

><p>I didn't call her right away in fear that I would come off too eager; although, eager and anxious were exactly how my feelings could be described. Aria and I really hit it off when in the coffee shop, so this strange idea kept floating around in my head that she would actually call <em>me.<em> That's a stretch, though, because doing that would have Aria look for my information on her own time, when all I had to do was read the digits off the card she gave me.

It was about a week after our encounter that I mustered up enough courage to pick up the phone and dial her number. Aria answered excitedly, and we conversed with small talk for a few minutes until I nonchalantly asked her to dinner.

Her voice seemed to fall immediately at my suggestion, and I grew worried. I heard Aria sigh through the receiving end of the phone, then she explained that her magazine was really becoming successful and there was no way we could meet together within the next few weeks.

I frowned, but was thankful that she couldn't see my disappointment – even though I feigned happiness in my tone. However, after I urged her call me as soon as she was free, my heart did swell when she agreed to do so. I hung up soon after, content in hearing the sound of her voice.

The next month was silence from her; I didn't call in order to not interfere with her busy schedule, but yet I didn't hear any word from her in return. On a random night out of the blue, I grabbed my cell to talk to her, but all I heard was her answering machine.

_"Hey Aria, it's me – Ezra – just wanted to see how you were and if your magazine is just as successful as I've heard it is. Give me a call when you can; I'll be waiting for it." _

My message must've caught Aria's attention, because her name popped up on my caller ID the very next day. Our words were pretty much parallel to what we discussed a month before. Her magazine was still booming in progress, so she was either at her office all day or working at home into all hours of the night; meaning, no time for a social life.

Her several apologies of not getting back to me were all sincere, and she left me with her email address as a way of easier access to catching up. _"My laptop is attached to my hip twenty-four seven, so don't be afraid to shoot me some mail!"_ Aria had explained with her tender, angelic laugh.

I had chuckled in response and approved with, _"__I just might take you up on that offer."_

For the next several months, we chatted via email, and the messages were long and detailed within the first few. Unfortunately, life began to catch up with the both of us, and the conversations shortened greatly. Weeks would pass before the other would reply, and it wasn't long before the communication stopped all together. Our letters were soon far in the inbox folder to the point where they were no longer seen and easily forgotten.

Within those months, writing became a number one priority in my life, as my first novel hit stores with a bang. It wasn't as popular as _The Twilight _Saga or _Harry Potter_ per say, but the admiration I received still gave me enough confidence to continue my passion. With my first book being a huge success, it made way for my second published piece – which was also famous within a few months.

Then I distributed a third novel and it was more accepted than my first and second books combined. Over the next five years, three novels turned into four, then four into five; and so on.

And over those five years, thoughts of Aria had slowly vanished.

Now, I'm a thirty- four year old man with nearly ten books as _The New York Times_ best sellers, and am travelling the world as a result of those best sellers' fan base.

The current city I'm touring in would be none other than Rosewood, Pennsylvania. My publicist mentioned that visiting the small town I was once associated with would be good for business, but I on the other hand wanted to stopover with some old friends. However, she scheduled me at the local book store within the holidays; therefore, I am spending my Christmas Eve alone in a motel room with vending machine snacks and shitty cable.

I sigh in boredom and frustration, pressing the power button on the remote to turn off the television. I drop the remote to the floor with a thud, and willingly stand to grab my coat off the chair and leave the dreadful place.

You'd think with the money I've made off my books, my publicist would arrange me in a better establishment other than a_ motel_.

I step out into the chilly, snowy air to make my way to the grocery store about a block away; I need something in my system other than year old _Twinkies _and _Flaming Hot Cheetos_. About eight minutes later, I'm making my way through the aisles, looking for something edible that I might enjoy. As I turn a corner to enter a different section of the store, my eyes find themselves something new to focus on.

There within the frozen foods is a young woman of twenty-seven years or so, scanning her eyes among the different varieties of vegetables. I can only see the side of her face, which doesn't answer the millions of questions screaming in my head at the moment. She adjusts the oversized purse onto her shoulder before turning her head to peer at the items located in her shopping cart.

My sharp intake of breath almost causes me to pass out.

These casual, uniting appearances are happening way too often for my liking.

I need to speak with her, even for the hell of it. Five years is a long time; so much has probably changed…

I absentmindedly begin to saunter in her direction while running a hand through my hair in the process. When I reach her, I lightly touch the sleeve of her bicep, causing her to flinch at my contact. At first, Aria Montgomery looks appalled at the fact that a stranger would lay a hand on her because her eyebrows furrow and her mouth opens in protest.

But once her gaze reaches my face, her eyes widen as big as possible and she nearly falls backwards in shock. "Ezra."

I stuff my hands in my front pockets and flash the award-winning smile that I'm known for. Aria beams at the sight of my grin and takes a step toward me quickly. However, as her arms fly up to envelope me in a hug, her purse slides off her arm and falls with the zip side facing the floor; all of her contents spill at the speed of light and hit the floor with a loud crashing sound. Even with the Christmas music playing from the speakers above, the emptiness of the grocery store makes the clatter seem ten times louder than reality.

Aria and I both lift our heads to look at one another; my hands are still in my pockets, while hers are still in the air to embrace me. Her face is pale with embarrassment, and I can't help but look away and attempt to swallow my laughter.

I then hear Aria giggle slightly, so I whip my head back to peer at her. Cheeks pink and eyes glowing, she's staring at me with the most gorgeous smile I've ever laid eyes on. "I'm sorry!" Aria apologizes in her fit of amusement.

As she bends down to gather her belongings, I follow suit by squatting. "It's alright," I assure in a light-hearted tone. I help her by handing her the items that are out of her reach and, all the while, we're still chuckling under our breath.

However, my laughter abruptly ceases when she lifts to her hand to wipe her eyes free of tears.

Right in front of my face is a ring…

…and it's placed on the third finger of her left hand.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Muahaha, so they never got to meet again after the coffee shop until five years later…it never seems to work out for them, does it?**

**Don't worry; the next chapter is a continuation and they will talk! BUT, it will also be the final chapter):**

**Please review! The response to the first chapter blew me away! DO IT AGAIN :D**

**Thanks and have Happy Holidays!**

**XxLadyStrengthxX **


	3. Innocence

**A/N: Wow, it's been a while since I've written...but I had some down time today and needed to finish this story! I'm not going to waste any time with excuses of my absence, but I must apologize! So, I'm sorry!**

**Disclaimer: References to **_**The Hunger **_**Games by Suzanne Collins, and chapter based off the song Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg…and then it's obviously PLL…nothing is mine :(**

* * *

><p>Is this what dying feels like? When you feel as if your heart has stopped and your entire body becomes numb?<p>

A ring? Not just any ring, but an _engagement _ring? Oh, no, wait...just kidding. There's a single band behind the large diamond, and that means only one thing.

Aria Montgomery, the love of my life, is married.

Yep, this is definitely what dying feels like.

My chest is heavy and I can feel the moisture of my tongue slowly dry up. My lips are chapping and I can't figure out how tell my brain to get my body functioning again. All the while, I can hear Aria repeating "Ezra?" over and over again.

Thankfully, my senses wire up and I'm able to respond stupidly with, "W-what?"

"Ezra, are you okay?" Aria asks uneasily as she places her sunglasses case back into her large purse on her shoulder. "You look a little pale..."

I scoff and playfully roll my eyes to dismiss my unusual behavior. "Never been better!"

She hesitates, "If you say so... Want to get a drink or something? You know, catch up for a bit?"

My heart leaps for joy. At least she doesn't resent me. "I'd love to."

We make our way up to the cash register and she has her products bagged quickly. The snow is falling harder and beginning to stick to the ground, piling up the white around us. "Let's take your car," Aria suggests innocently.

"One problem with that..." I say.

She's confused. "What?"

"I don't have a car," I admit sheepishly.

A small smile crosses her face. "Then we'll take mine." And she leads me across the empty parking lot to her...minivan?

But...no woman owns a minivan unless she has _kids_. Here comes the heavy chest again, and my feet all of a sudden seem to weigh as much as the minivan itself. However, I keep my pace alongside Aria's in order to not reveal that I'm upset. She unlocks the car and I situate myself in the passenger seat.

I hadn't noticed the backseat of the vehicle until Aria pointed it out. "Sorry for the mess. I don't have much time to keep my car clean these days."

I turn my head to peer over my shoulder and, sure enough, there's a booster seat behind my chair. Toys cover every inch of floorboard in my sight, and the smell of _McDonald's_ fills my nostrils. I twist my body forward once more and look straight out the windshield. "It's fine."

Wordlessly, Aria puts the minivan into gear and steers her way out onto the deserted road. We travel silently for a few miles, until I recognize the Hollis campus coming into view. I immediately know which bar she's driving to, and it causes my heart to sink even lower.

_Snookers_, reads the large, illuminated sign above our heads. Aria still doesn't say a word as she parks, cuts the ignition, and saunters off in the direction of the bar's entrance. I reluctantly follow in suit, not completely sure if I'm ready to step foot in this establishment. It's been years.

The inside is musty and damp; not exactly the bar I remember from about ten years ago. The floors creak with every step I take, and the lights flicker on and off occasionally around the room. The cushions of the barstools are flat with no life as Aria and I seat ourselves next to one another. Everything is the same, just aged – including the juke box and the bartender.

He doesn't even bother to take our orders, but instead slides two shot glasses our way and slams an entire bottle of vodka against the counter. "Depends on how much you drink determines the price," the rusty man grumbles. "I'll be in the back if you need me."

The bartender turns on his heel clumsily and somewhat limps toward the kitchen area, grabbing a bottle of _Jack Daniels_ before disappearing completely. By this time, Aria still hasn't opened her mouth to speak. She's worrying me; why the sudden change of attitude?

Aria grasps the bottle of clear liquid in her hand and pours some into her small glass. She doesn't dare drink it, though. Only stares at it with a creased brow. Aria inhales sharply, "She's four, almost five."

Confusion is evident on my face. "Who?"

She exhales slowly. "My daughter, Marissa." My turn to reach for the bottle. Aria continues, "That's why I lost touch after a few months. I found out I was pregnant."

I take a swig of the vodka and hiss as it leaves a burning sensation down my throat. "I see."

"She was an accident since I wasn't married. Crazy how much your life can change after a one night stand, you know?" Aria muses, not making eye contact with me at all. She's looking at anything else – the vodka, the pool table, the juke box.

"No, I wouldn't know," I reply solemnly, which makes her huff out a slight giggle. I smile because she's smiling.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Aria studies her untouched vodka, yet still refuses to drink it. "I love her to death; she's my reason for living."

Nodding toward her left hand, I ask, "You married her dad?"

Her gaze follows mine down to her ring. "Yes, I did. He asked me to, and I wasn't about to make Marissa live a life without her dad in the picture."

"Who is he?" I don't exactly want to know, but something inside me stirs and I _have _to.

"Holden Strauss." And it's now that she empties the shot glass in one quick motion, then reaches for the bottle again. "I would say that I love him, but I don't like to lie."

My eyes nearly pop out of my sockets in shock. She's filling her glass to the rim when I ask, "Why are you with him then?"

"Like I said, so he'd stick around for Marissa. I mean, he's a great guy and all, but we're polar opposites. When I try to read, he's always trying to get me to go outside for a bike ride. When I want to sit down and cuddle up for a classic movie, he wants to watch martial arts instead. He can't fight anymore because his heart was so close to failing, so the doctor said no more at all. He still tries to stay active by going outdoors and running, and thank goodness Marissa is playing soccer...he'll have something to concentrate on instead of me!" Aria stops abruptly, realizing how much she just rambled and confessed. "I-I'm sorry..."

I'm numb. So much information to take in at once. I can't think straight. Holden? Of all people? Really?

"He's an architect, and keeps me safe and dry. But something about our marriage will never be satisfying because I know he only proposed since he thought he had to...because I was pregnant," Aria concludes. I know she's finished from the way she downs another helping of alcohol eagerly.

"Well, despite how much you seem to dislike your husband, the years have been a friend to you. Still as stunning as ever," I tell her truthfully. She blushes and I'm pleased. "Your eyes still spark with life."

The corners of her lips tug up slightly into a weak grin. "Thank you, Holden never compliments me anymore..." Her smile suddenly disappears at the mention of her husband, so she changes the subject. "I've seen your books on display!"

I chuckle at her enthusiasm. "Really now, read any of them?"

"A few. Having a toddler is a lot of work, and I can't exactly read _your_ work in front of my husband," she confesses shamefully. Another shot of vodka for the both of us after that comment. "From what I've read, you're as talented as you were ten years ago!"

"Well, wisdom comes with age, you know," I tease.

"No, I wouldn't know...because I'm not old like you," she fires back just as playfully, and I can't help but snort in return.

"I'm no Suzanne Collins, and my books aren't _The Hunger Games_, but the fan base if heavenly!" I then grimace, "Travelling is hell, though..."

Aria nods in response and silently checks her watch. "It's getting late. I need to get home and play Santa soon."

"Let's make a few toasts first," I say, refilling my shot glass three-quarters full. Aria does the same and I begin, "To innocence, as that's all your daughter will ever be in your life."

"To innocence," Aria repeats with a sad smile at the mention of her daughter and then clinks her glass to mine.

We lean our heads back and drink the vodka at the exact same time. She and I set our glasses down on the counter loudly, but Aria grabs the bottle and adds more. "I have one: to _now_ - as your books and life are at such a high level of success!"

If only I could tell her that my life is just as miserable as hers, but I don't and proceed to tap my shot against hers. "To now."

We contort our faces into strange expressions this time. I know the alcohol is beginning to affect us both, but I have one more. "Last toast," I propose, and Aria's already filling our glasses for the final time of the night. "To time. That your relationship with your husband and family, as well as our friendship, will grow and prosper as we go on through life."

"To time."

_Clink!_ Goodbye vodka.

And then she's looking at me with tears in her eyes. I can't tell if they're from the alcohol or my toast, but she unexpectedly throws her arms around me and buries her face into the crook of my neck. I wrap my arms around her torso instinctively.

Just like old times...in my apartment, when we'd be snuggling on the couch every Saturday, stealing kisses from one another every so often.

But now is not old times, and we're not in my apartment. We're in a bar, and she's married to a man she doesn't even love. But she has a daughter...and I honestly do believe that the little girl _is_ Aria's only reason of living right now.

She squeezes her arms around my neck once before slowly pulling away. Aria shakes her head lightly and leans in to peck the corner of my lips sweetly. "Thank you, Ezra, for tonight."

"Anytime, Dear," I respond quietly yet lovingly. "Promise you'll keep in touch?"

Aria looks down at her feet, just like a child who has down something wrong. "Promise."

After setting a twenty dollar bill on the counter, I silently lead her back to her minivan with a protective hand on her lower back. As she places herself in the driver's seat, I remind her, "It's getting slick out here, so be careful."

"Don't you need a ride?" she inquires.

"No, I'm going to stay here for a while. Maybe finish that bottle for myself..."

Aria's eyes droop heavily. "Goodnight." And as she reverses the car, I drag my feet back toward the bar's door. However, there's a honk, so I turn back around to see Aria's window rolled down and her head sticking out in the snow. "Merry Christmas, Ezra."

I look down at my watch. _12:57_ _PM_. It is Christmas, but when I bring my head back up...she's gone. "Merry Christmas, Aria," I whisper to the nothing but the chilly Pennsylvania air.

I stand there for a moment or two, and decide to not stay and finish off the alcohol. There wasn't a point.

And as I turn to make my way back home, the snow turns into rain.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Le complete! I'm so glad to have written again, omg! :D It felt so good to finish this story!**

**Okay, because of my absence, I would REALLY REALLY REALLY appreciate reviews to see if y'all liked the way I ended the story. I mean, I don't like it because Ezria didn't end up together, but you know what I mean!**

**Please, please, please review! I want to feel missed! :(**

**Thanks sooo much; I missed you guys!**

**XxLadyStrengthxX**

**P.S. Roadtrip is still going to be updated, but I wanted to get this out of the way first. **


End file.
